All Sports Network--Quarantine Crisis Edition (Digital Script)

ASN—the All Sports Network—features 24/7 sports action that fans crave—from punishing, body-slamming basketball thunder dunks to those sweet car-racing crashes. Every night, ASN anchors Drew “Big Boomya” Sands and Melody “All Action” Anderson gleefully cheer on the sports violence. Suddenly a global virus puts a halt to all sports including the NFL, MLB and the HPPALOLAGP (Hackensack Ping-Pong Alternative League of Left-Handed Australians with Glandular Problems). Drew and Melody now broadcast from their homes. Instead of sports action, ASN is now filling up the time with all manner of odd programming. There’s Ross with “Painting Your Bliss”—he’ll show you how to paint fluffy clouds if his brushes stop talking to him. There are commercials from needy fast-food burger restaurants that wonder if their customers miss them. There’s the mysterious Spray Sergio who sprays things and dances for reasons no one can quite understand. Will ASN ever show sports again? Find out about this and more with the Zoom comedy All Sports Network—Quarantine Crisis Edition. This show can be performed virtually or onstage.